


Ortrun Among the Hegelings

by cefyr



Category: Kudrun
Genre: Arranged Marriage, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Yuletide Madness 2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 03:19:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5523437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cefyr/pseuds/cefyr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adapting to changes in life isn't as easy when you have no one to talk to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ortrun Among the Hegelings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elektra121](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elektra121/gifts).



> A treat for elektra121, because I found this fandom while idly scrolling through the list of Yuletide-nominated books. I started reading it one evening, and was unable to put it down because it was so nailbitingly thrilling. 
> 
> The character naming seems to be something that differs even between English translations. I hope my almost-consistent choices don't make the text less readable for someone who is used to other versions.

The Lady Ortrun did not cry as she watched the ship taking her dearest friend to King Herwic's land set sail. She would have said that she had no reason to feel sad, with peace at last settling on the recently feuding kingdoms, with her brother alive and well and with her hand pledged to a noble and just king.

She did not cry, but she did miss her friend dearly, because she was alone in a foreign land where no one knew her and where she had no one to talk to.

"It is not that I regret it", she told her own reflection in the mirror as she was braiding her hair one summer morning. "I know in my heart that I could not hope for a better life, but that same heart is still missing a piece now that Kudrun is not with me any longer."

That summer was uncomfortably hot, and the air in the castle became oppressive. Often, Ortrun took her maids with her out of the castle where they all could sit in the shade of the trees and braid flowers into their hair. The maids talked and laughed, but Ortrun's heart was still heavy. Kudrun had been a part of her life for so long that it was strange to think that she would not be, anymore. To Ortrun, she was like the heroes of ancient adventures, righteous and just, maybe not exactly kind in the way women usually were, but always working hard for her friends and family.

"I know I should not", said Ortrun silently to the crown of flowers lying on her lap. "But I would still choose Kudrun over her brother, if the choice were mine to make. He is a kind man, I am sure, but he does not know me, he cannot know me other than as the price for lasting peace. Still, this is the way things are now, and I must learn to accept it."

In the following weeks, as autumn crept down from the north, Ortrun learned the ways of the castle. She went about her duties and tried not to flinch when Queen Hilde addressed her. Hilde had wanted her and Hartmut to suffer for the pain his family had caused Kudrun during her time in Normandy, and Ortrun could not say that she did not agree with the principle.

"They are my kin, after all", she said, repeating to herself what her mother had told her. "I shine in the glory of my family, so it stands to reason I should have some part in its disgrace as well."

She tried to see traces of her friend in Ortwin, but Kudrun and her brother were not much alike. He would be a good king, she thought, like his ancestors before him, but in the event of war, he, more than others, would need to tempt his followers with riches instead of trusting in their loyalty. He would not be Hilde, easily pulling together an army of thousands to save her daughter.

"I would not be Hilde, either", Ortrun confessed in the silence of her rooms, looking down on the courtyard where the men were training for future battles. "I do not know what to do in a siege, I was never taught how to defend castles; my mother thought me too soft for such things, and let me stay in the garden and sing with the birds. Kudrun would know what to do; she would make the men follow her orders and lead them to victory or at least away from defeat. I would only want them to be happy and keep them alive."

As autumn progressed towards winter, the castle grew colder, its thick walls harbouring the chill more than the summer's long gone heat. Ortrun longed for the home that was not hers anymore, where she must have endured hard winters as well but from which she could now only recall the summers. She remembered how Kudrun had spent the last winter with freezing water up to her knees and elbows, washing her captors' clothes.

"I will never be as strong as her", she noted, staring into the blazing fire in her room. "She spent a dozen years in the land of her enemies, enduring countless hardships, yet never surrendering. I begged for peace from both her and Hilde, and then agreed to marry the man who killed my father. We cannot both be right, can we? And yet Kudrun never seemed as if she pitied me for it."

The winter was bitterly cold that year, and all the birds went away. Wate came to the castle for Christmas, but Ortrun kept away from him. She remembered well the first time she had met Kudrun's kinsmen, Wate wearing armour shining with the blood of her kinsmen, holding the head of her mother in his hand, and Ortwin's clothes likewise blooded. She could not get rid of that memory however much she wanted to, and so she avoided Wate. Ortwin, she could not avoid, but she tried not to get in his way too much.

The winter let up at last after what seemed like an eternity. Icicles melted, cold water dripping down from the castle's roofs, and some of the earlier birds started to come back from the southern lands. Hilde, in an unexpected show of kindness, saw that her daughter-in-law was not used to the climate, and showed her in which rooms she might enjoy the first warmth of the approaching spring. 

"I had not realised that it might be awkward for the girl, staying here", Ortrun heard Hilde confide to Ortwin one day. "When I first arrived here, I was delighted to be away from my father's court, but she is different. She needs taking care of more than Kudrun did, but it will yield good results, I think. Your sister chose wisely for you; Ortrun inspires loyalty, and that is a quality worth more than a man's weight in gold."

Ortrun never let on that she had heard them, but her heart felt lighter after that.

"You smile more now than you used to", Ortwin noted when a year had passed and summer came again. "I thought at first that I had made the wrong decision in asking you to stay here with us, that you could never really care for someone with blood on their hands."

"The blood was shed for your sister's sake", Ortrun said. "I could not question your actions and still remain her friend, no matter whose blood is on your hands."

"You might still have objected to a life by my side", Ortwin replied. "I would not have blamed you for it. Your brother still hates me, I am sure."

"My brother walks a different path in life", Ortrun said. "I have never been good at hating people. This is my homeland now, and if it took me some time to get used to it, it was never anyone's fault but my own for not seeing how lucky I had been."

In the following days, Ortrun often sat with Hilde in the sunniest room, sewing and watching the birds fly outside the windows. After a while, she grew bold enough to occasionally lay her work down and sing the songs of her homeland. Ortwin came by and sat at her feet, listening, and Hilde told them the story of how a young Danish singer had convinced her to leave her family for a new life with the Hegelings. Those were lovely days, and as the year turned towards summer Ortrun realised that she didn't miss Kudrun as desperately as before. Ortwin and Hilde had filled that part of her heart, she was no longer alone, and she could not imagine her life without them in it.


End file.
